Flames to Dust

"Would I be out of line if I said I miss you?

I Miss You - Incubus

Hello, my name is Jemimah, and I am broken - to the core. I am usually dubbed as "the 40 year - old teen," for I never grasped and understood of the post-modern day teenagers' pleasures and joys. Maybe teenagers today and I have one thing in common, at least - music, but, that's all. Yes, I never did fancy texting; I never spent my "bored" time through social - networking whatnots; I don't take pictures of myself during my daily leisure, you get the point. I was rational - in other words, my motto was "mind over matter."

Not until three years ago. Never did the thought of me, in love, occur in my head. Never did I think that someone would love me - the ever so cynical critic - truly and sincerely; because I have long since accepted that I would never be the "in love" girl who is accepted for who she really is. Honestly, I have viewed myself when I was five as the successful woman type without any children nor a husband but with facade. I was bound to be alone (or that's what I thought.)

I stand corrected.

My Love courted me for five months - the most memorable months of my life when I really felt like a "somebody." Until we became a couple on March 26, 2008.

I was only 13, and he was about to turn 15 when he said "maybe we're marriage - bound," I smiled.

He was everything I ever wished for (I know I was 13 back then, but, I told you, I WAS AND AM very mature for my age.) - my best friend. He was the only person who understands my childish desires and my psychotic questions; he and I share the same music. Everything.

He was the part of my life who made my existence for more than two years euphoric. I couldn't imagine my life without him - the person whom I thought would grow old with me.

Until one day we realized, we were fighting destiny to glue ourselves back together.

We officially broke up today, on our second year, eight-month anniversary. He wanted to get his life back. (Oh the irony, he even thought out the marriage -bound thing!) He traded me over dancing and DOTA (?) I don't really know.

All I know is that I love him still (yes, yes, I know I am too young to be in love, but I definitely can identify love from infatuation!) and the hurt is killing me.

The best I can do at this point is wake up.

My life with him was everything I ever wished for.