Matter Over Mind

December 22, 2009

"Will you take me back?"

..were the words that made my cheeks flush red.

Here's a flashback: Two weeks ago, he told me he still had high hopes of us being together again - ONLY, what hinders him from courting was he didn't want to hurt me that much again.

I am the type of person to think and plan three steps ahead. So, I practiced my lines everyday if ever something like this would ever happen. I just didn't see this coming today - not that I expected it to. (If you are having the idea that I screw everything up, then you my bright friend, assumed correctly!) For more than three weeks, I've been dreaming of this to happen.

...and here's a question for moi: Why did I always have to ruin everything when I got everything planned out in my crazy head?

REWIND. Here's the story:

We went to TriNoma to co-buy girts for Christmas. As a result for doing so, we were tired and for some bizarre reason, both of us were abruptly hot-headed. So, both of us decided to go to Combi to ease up the tension between us. Uhuh, the scrummy food's glorious varying tastes replaced our sudden hot-headedness ary't!

Here comes my favorite part. We walked down the sidewalk to go to some convenience store (and alone time. Hihihi.) As we strode along the noisy street of Maginhawa, I asked him for my last kiss - just to once again how happy we were still together; to remind me of the times when my heart thumps ever so wildly and for a moment, let go of every teeny bit of negativity and sadness implemented unto my so-called "brain of negativity." There, he kissed me. Quickly, I wiped off my tears for him not to notice. "I MISS YOU" were the only words that I wanted to tell him, only I was afraid. There was this long, awkward pause, then......

"Will you have me back?," he asked. Kneeling in front of me, he held my shaky hand.

I stared. I tried to analyze his face quickly. (IS HE EFFING SERIOUS?!) My dream, I thought. I was dumbstruck. I didn't know how to respond.

Uh-oh. Too late. My instincts flew over me. I quickly said yes at the same time there was instant regret. Of course, I want to be with him again (more than anything else) and there were people watching and I didn't like that.

Bittersweet, it was (for my case). All this time, I've been planning about playing hard-to-get. (My friends also advised me to play that role, too.) Matter over mind, perhaps? Nah, the hard-to-get thing was never a talent of mine.

Now I believe him. He truly loves me as I do and was very truly sorry for the gigantic pain it caused me ('cause I've such fragile confidence and self esteem.) Who cares now? I GOT MY CHRISTMAS WISH.

What's your Christmas wish?